Anti-FRT exercises

Every body does it.  Some more than others.  Unfortunately, I have moved into the category of "more."

It finally occurred to me that while it is a natural thing, it's probably not really normal that often.  So I needed to do something about it.  Because walking around having to fart much of the time wasn't really working for me.  (I burp a lot too, but that is not as socially embarrassing.  At least not for me.)

Enter The Bowel Book.  Such a handy little book.  Chapter 4 - Exercising for Better Bowel Function.  Woo hoo!  We all could use some better bower function.  Bowels are rather neglected, I'd say.

I read through my options and chose 6.  I was all excited to get started on eliminating (get it?) my flatulence.  My plan was to do these everyday.  It's been at least five days and I have done them once.  Twice now, with this morning.

I decided to call them my anti-FRT exercises to be discrete.  And I wrote them on a green index card so I can think of Myrtle while doing my anti-FRT exercises.  I know she'll appreciate that!  (Her favorite color is green.)  She is the one who so generously gave me the book. 

Also, I need to remember not to do these exercises if I am going out in public soon after.  

I'm also hoping for a secondary outcome from all this, because the one exercise even says it will improve the waistline!

Here's to hoping and making my eliminatory organs happier!

Wolves

While searching for a movie on Netflix for us to watch, I remembered a movie I saw as a girl, probably when I was a little older than Ellie.  "The Journey of Natty Gann."

"America is in the depths of the Great Depression. Families drift apart when faraway jobs beckon. In this masterful, atmospheric adventure, a courageous young girl confronts overwhelming odds when she embarks on a cross-country search for her father. During her extraordinary odyssey, she forms a close bond with two diverse traveling companions: a magnificent, protective wolf, and a hardened drifter."

It occurred to me that this movie, and then Jack London's White Fang, and Farley Mowat's Never Cry Wolf were an integral part in forming my love of wolves.  The book Wolves, by Seymour Simon, introduces wolves to elementary school children using beautiful photography.

The wolf is a misunderstood, beautiful creature. 

Even knowing...

I wrote the below entry back in September.  I am unsure as to why I did not post it.  I did have to edit it a bit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even knowing that there is a book and audios to help me be a more patient, calm mother helps me be a more patient calm mother.

Gary and I are taking an 3 month online class by Dr. Laura Markham, called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.  Dr. Laura also has a book by the same name. For the class, we get an hour long audio lesson, questions to answer about the lesson, 3 minute daily inspirational audios, suggested reading from the book (which came with the course,) and a practice exercise to do with our children.  And access to a closed Facebook page for all the parents taking the class.

I've read the book.  And we've listened to one and third audio lessons, and a handful of daily inspirations. 

I am now the world's most peaceful parent.

That last sentence is a lie.

I am becoming a more peaceful parent.

That one is true.

Gary and I want to listen to the entire audio lessons together in one sitting.  But finding an hour together has been proving difficult, without it being so late.  We fall asleep while listening or we are so spent mentally, that we have no energy to listen.  (I think we will be breaking up the listening.)

I have been frustrated at our lack of progress.  But as Dr. Laura says, the audios are ours to download and save.  If it takes us longer than three months, it's okay.  She's all about not pressuring ourselves into something that will bring stress not peace.

Today I realized that even knowing I read the book and can refer to it again and have the audios saved to listen to when we can, has helped me be more mindful of self regulation and how I talk to the kids and handle their upset.

I also have a mantra.  At first the idea of a mantra felt too weird, too touchy-feely.   But on the Facebook page, someone asked about what mantras others were using.  I skeptically took a look at the comments. 

I know have several phrases, repeated over and over again, that I say to myself or out loud if needed, when I am triggered and need to work on self-regulation.  (I still don't like the word mantra.)  "It's not an emergency."  "I choose love."  "I can do this."  "Breathe."  To name a few.  These are all in place of yelling at, belittling, shaming, blaming, or making my kids feel guilty.  Or any others who are in the line of my upset.

And of course, I get plenty of practice.

So when I blow it one time, there's always a next time to practice my stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update:
I can say that we have not progressed much in the lessons.  We still continue to be spent mentally each night, by the time the kids are in bed.  And now with Gary's new job, he is even more so.  Being an introvert, interactions with people drain him.  He has many more interactions at this new position.  Many more then he realized. 

Falling apart?

I find it interesting that my best friend and I both think the other is a better friend.

Maybe that's what makes us a good friends?

I read her blog today.  I know, Myrtle.  SHOCKER! I'm not behind. 

Well, actually I read today's and finished the one before it. 

Myrtle lives with chronic disease.  Several in fact.  I one that rears its ugly head the most is dysautonomia.  (Even spell check doesn't recognize it.)  I usually don't know what to do or say to help her.  She's told me that just listening is good.  Or not seeing her as her illness.  Myrtle has referred to another blog (www.livingwithbob.com) written by another (Michelle) with dysautonomia, but I've only read what she has referenced.  Today I decided to go to the blog and read.  I came across this passage about stress and what constitutes giving up and falling apart:

Illness is stress. Chronic illness often means that stress will never fully go away. People aren't falling apart when their stress levels reach critical levels. They aren't giving up when they voice that stress and can't hold it all together. They are human beings, experiencing real and valid emotions to a prolonged highly stressful situation. We should not be jumping on them with judgements about giving up and the evil of falling apart, but offering them support, a place to voice their fears and sadness, and direction to appropriate mental health groups to help them navigate the complex and stressful world of chronic illness.

In my life, I relate most things to parenting. So for me, it's okay to fall apart in my parenting journey.  Michelle says, "There is strength in giving voice to the struggle."

I like that.

The boy with the broken arm, no more

Today, he's whole again.  The cast is off.  He's FREE!

It's been an interesting journey, this broken arm world.  A bit inconvenient, but not unworkable.

It was originally hard for Josh to deal with having his dominant arm in a cast past his elbow.  He felt like he couldn't do anything.

But he learned.  He adapted.  But he didn't really slow down.

Day 4

Today is Day 4 of summer vacation. 

It's been a long 4 days.  The three of us being home all day with each other is proving difficult. 

I was really looking forward to having the summer with my kids.  Last summer, we had the store, and I had a plan for where the kids would be for all 10 weeks.  By the end of summer last year, with the kids being gone one at a time or at camp or somewhere else, I felt like I had missed out of a lot with them. 

I didn't want that again.  Except after Monday and Tuesday, I wanted to ship them off. 

But not really.  I want to be with Josh and Ellie, I just want a lot less controversy and more cooperation and getting along. 

I am still looking forward to having the summer with my kids. 

The bathroom floor is gritty

It was also akin to a pond. 

Yesterday, the kids' job was to clean the bathroom sink.  They turned it into scrubbing the tile floor.

I asked what they were doing, they evaded the question and shut the door.  Since they are not the quietest children, and scrubbing isn't a silent activity, I already knew what they were doing.  And I peeked under the door and took a picture.

I let them go.  I did remind Ellie of the time, because she wasn't completely ready for school yet.

For half an hour they cleaned. 

At 8:30 I told them it was time to clean up.  Around 8:50 I hear Ellie frantically calling me from the bathroom.  She has just flushed the toilet.

I open the bathroom door.  And see water.  Covering half the floor.  Overflowing the toilet. 

I freak out. 

And then grab for towels.  Lots and lots of towels.  I ordered Ellie to get towels.  I ran around the house getting towels.  And the plunger.

And I start sopping up the water.  And incredulously demanding how all this water got on the floor?!?!

Josh got upset with my tone.  I got better control of it and ensured him I wasn't mad, just flabbergasted at the amount of water.  And both empty containers of cleaner.  About three cups of baking soda and borax.  And my homemade toilet fizzies on the floor. And the clogged toilet. Again.

And we were supposed to be walking to school, not sopping up gallons of water.  And unclogging a toilet.

Somehow I managed to get all the water wiped up, the toilet unclogged and the kids to school on time.

After school, the kids finished cleaning the floor, since while I did get the water sopped up, the copious amounts of baking soda/borax cleaner were still coating the floor. 

And although Ellie mopped the floor, I mopped the floor, josh vacuumed the floor and I vacuumed the floor, it is still gritty.

But it is clean and whiter.

Poor Lilly

On January 14th, Lilly completely tore her CCL.  Her knee ligament.




Josh made her comfortable the next morning.

And wrote her a get well card.

We took her to our vet.  A $3000 surgery.  I talked with my cousin, a vet.  We took her to another vet.  $2200 - 2500 surgery.

We decided to have the other vet do the surgery.  This past Monday.

Now she gets to wear a fun cone and lay around a lot.  Wait.  The laying around a lot is not new.

And Ellie wrote her a get well card. 

She goes back next week to have the stitches removed. 

And in case you were wondering, it's super fun to try and lift a 95 pound dog up and down four steps for her to do her business.  Thankfully she didn't take long to go down the steps herself.  And last night she went up by herself.  She doesn't care for the towel around her middle lifting option. 

And until she can walk on the knee well, she doesn't get to go upstairs at night.  So one of us has been sleeping downstairs with her. 

Not much

My friend is struggling mightily with losing who she used to be.

I struggle with whom I have never really become. 

My enemy

My enemy is not my children.  We are all fighting the same foe.

My Peace

I woke this morning at 6:00 am, planning to spend time with God.  I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do . . . but God did.

I started by praying and then singing "You are My Hiding Place" and "You are My Strength When I am Weak."  Then I fell back asleep.

I had a dream.  I was at my grandparents' church in the Poconos.  Of course it looked nothing like it, but I was standing in a hallway and I could hear the hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" playing.  The specific line was "Oh, what peace we often forfeit."  And I fell against the wall in tears, sobbing.  I have been denying myself the peace of Christ.

I haven't been trusting Him to work out the struggles I have.  Trusting Him to take care of the children he's given me.  I've screamed "Why!"  I have been struggling with myself and my children, without asking for God's help.  I have most assuredly not been at peace.

I got out of bed and set to look up the hymn and some scripture passages about peace.

Philippians 4:4-9 NASB
⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. ⁹ The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

John 14:27 NASB
²⁷ Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

John 16:33 NASB
²³ In that day you will not question Me about anything. Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you. ²⁴ Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.
²⁵ “These things I have spoken to you in figurative language; an hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figurative language, but will tell you plainly of the Father. ²⁶ In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will request of the Father on your behalf; ²⁷ for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came forth from the Father. ²⁸ I came forth from the Father and have come into the world; I am leaving the world again and going to the Father.”
²⁹ His disciples *said, “Lo, now You are speaking plainly and are not using a figure of speech. ³⁰ Now we know that You know all things, and have no need for anyone to question You; by this we believe that You came from God.” ³¹ Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? ³² Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. ³³ These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

That last part really hit me.  "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  Christ has overcome sin, pain, hurt, shame.  He has overcome my frustration and anger. 


I found these verses to go with "You are my hiding place."

Psalm 32:7
You are a hiding place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with shouts of deliverance.          Selah

Psalm 119:114
You are my hiding place and my shield;
    I hope in your word.

I found these verses to go with "You are My Strength When I am Weak."

Ephesians 6:10-20
¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, ¹⁹ and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.


Psalm 28

¹To you, O Lord, I call;
    my rock, be not deaf to me,
lest, if you be silent to me,
    I become like those who go down to the pit.

 ² Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy,
    when I cry to you for help,
when I lift up my hands
    toward your most holy sanctuary.^[a]

³ Do not drag me off with the wicked,
    with the workers of evil,
who speak peace with their neighbors
    while evil is in their hearts.
⁴ Give to them according to their work
    and according to the evil of their deeds;
give to them according to the work of their hands;
    render them their due reward.
⁵ Because they do not regard the works of the Lord
    or the work of his hands,
he will tear them down and build them up no more.

⁶ Blessed be the Lord!
    For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
    and with my song I give thanks to him.

⁸ The Lord is the strength of his people;^[b]
    he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
⁹ Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
    Be their shepherd and carry them forever.

Col. 2:1-5
¹For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face,  ² that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, ³ in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. ⁴ I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. ⁵ For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.

Then I came upon Psalm 30, which in my Bible (ESV) had the heading "Joy comes with the Morning."
¹I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
    and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
² O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
    and you have healed me.
³ O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
    you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

⁴ Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
    and give thanks to his holy name.
⁵ For his anger is but for a moment,
    and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
    but joy comes with the morning.

⁶ As for me, I said in my prosperity,
    “I shall never be moved.”
⁷ By your favor, O Lord,
    you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
    I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, O Lord, I cry,
    and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
⁹ “What profit is there in my death,
    if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
    Will it tell of your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me!
    O Lord, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness,
¹² that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

The "joy comes with the morning" part says to me, I will experience joy.  Even if it seems unattainable, it will come. 
The Lord is faithful to do all He has promised.  To be my peace.  To be my strength.  To be my all.

I would also like to surround myself with the words of God in music.  I am on a hunt for scripture set to music.

My Provider

The Offering of Isaac
22 Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ² He said, “Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.” ³ So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him and Isaac his son; and he split wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. ⁴ On the third day Abraham raised his eyes and saw the place from a distance. ⁵ Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you.” ⁶ Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together. ⁷ Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” And he said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?” ⁸ Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together.

⁹ Then they came to the place of which God had told him; and Abraham built the altar there and arranged the wood, and bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ¹² He said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” ¹³ Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. ¹⁴ Abraham called the name of that place The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.”

I hold onto my children too hard.  I do not always allow God to be my provider.  I do not always trust Him to help me.  Everyday is a challenge to fight the sinner within, to remember that I am also a saint and a child of God.  To remember that I have available to me the power of the Holy Spirit, the forgiveness of my Savior, and the grace and mercy of my God.

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

The Perfect Plan . . . is NOT my plan.

We can plan.  We can sign up Ellie for Medical Assistance to get services.  We can go to counseling.  We can come up with numerous different systems for managing Josh and Ellie's behavior, and our behavior.  We can punish, talk to, and reason with our children.

But if we leave God out, we will fail.  If we don't read His Word, pray, and spend time listening for His voice, we will not have the success we could have.  We will not be living in the abundance of all he has for us. 


God has the Perfect Plan.  He is faithful.  He is trustworthy.  He loves me.  He wants to be what I need. 

I don't know what His plan is.  But I believe I don't have to know it, nor do I need to, because He knows what it is.  I have the faith He's given me.  I have His word showing me I can trust Him.

His Word is my daily bread, but I haven't been reading it.  I have been going this road on my own strength, which is woefully pathetic.

But that is going to change.

What I haven't been doing

I have been neglecting my house.  Animal hair can be found swirling around constantly.  Even if I just vacuumed.  It's more than a bit frustrating. 

The one household task I do get done is washing and drying our clothes.  Notice I didn't say folding or putting them away.  It is not uncommon to find a basket (or four) of unfolded clothes sitting around.  My Auntie Joanne helped me yesterday.  I got a load hung out to dry, and she took it down and folded it.  Thank You!

The windows need to be cleaned.  The walls need to be wiped of fingerprints and dog slobber.  

There is quite a layer of dust collecting as well.

I am also not writing on here as much as I'd like. 

By the end of the day, I am usually worn out mentally, and I end up plopping on the couch and watching a TV show.  Sometimes while folding laundry. 

What I've Been Making

Wanting to have a healthier, less expensive lifestyle, I have been trying some new things.

I started making kombucha again.  The continuous brew kind.  Way easier than one batch at a time.  Especially since Josh and Ellie will drink it now.  They like a fruity flavor.  Me too.

I bought yogurt and hung it in cheese cloth.  Why?  To separate out the whey, making a cream cheese of sorts.  And to have whey.

The one jar has elderberry syrup.  The other has milk kefir.

My snack bars, made with dates, raisins, almonds, chocolate and chia seeds, are in the container.

Here is the whey and cheese.  In the background, 

in the bowls are plantain and thyme Josh picked from our yard.  I picked more plantain and made a healing salve.

My beet kvass is in the pitcher, made by putting beets in water with whey, to ferment for a couple days.

The white stuff is my homemade marshmallows.

In the small jar is kombucha, sitting for some extra fizziness.

My beef jerky, made with my mesquite seasoning mix. 

A new recipe I tried.  Homemade coconut flour breaded cod, roasted sweet potatoes, salad with homemade ranch dressing.

I have decided to make my own salad dressings again.  And condiments- ketchup and BBQ sauce.  Next might be mayo and mustard.

We've been trying out some home remedies for Josh's warts.  Dandelion, chickweed, banana skin, tea tree oil, lemon oil, propolis, and clay.  We are currently on the oils, since they are the easiest to apply, coat the warts, and leave his hands free to use without using a bunch of Band-aids or waiting for it to dry.

It isn't a secret that my legs look awful, what with all the spider and varicose veins I have.  I decided to try a vein cream and liniment, before going the chemical dissolving route. 

P.S. I hate compression stocking. 

This is my homemade toothpaste.

It is still a work in progress.

I have another recipe to try.

Josh's grain-free train cake, and plant based colored icing.  The icing I made with cane sugar that I powdered.

And natural candy decor.

We have vanilla beans and vodka waiting to become vanilla extract.

I have also made my own shampoo and lotion, both works in progress.  The shampoo dried out my hair too much and the lotion was too hard.  I haven't looked into how to adjust the shampoo yet, but to make the lotion more soft, I need to remelt it and add more coconut oil.  I did one remelt, but it still isn't as creamy as I'd like it.

With the elderberry syrup, I made elderberry gummies (which are more jellied then I would like,) and vitamin gummies, where I added to much vitamins and didn't turn out right. 

I am making yogurt again, though I still have to get it less runny.  I can then use it to make my soft cheese and whey.  And all I have to buy is a gallon of milk.  So if I am doing the math right, I spend $3.50 (or whatever the price of whole milk is) and get 3 quarts of yogurt, about a pint of whey, and maybe a pint soft cheese.  Pretty good use of $3.50, huh?

I have made my own chocolate, another recipe I need to tweak next time I make it.  A little less honey and add a little milk, I think.

I am trying to decrease the amount of grains and legumes we eat.  And if we eat grains and legumes, I want them to be soaked or sprouted.  

I am trying to use more coconut products, non-grain flours, and healthy fats.  Follow more of the paleo diet, but not strictly.

I am slowly resuppling our vitamins and supplements - probiotics (though the kombucha and water kefir help with that,) vitamin D and C, fish oil (I want to actually take fermented cod liver oil, but I not sure I am ready for that yet, since it's a gel.)  And then we need to remember to take them.

I made beef bone broth, but I plan to make chicken bone broth next.  I have some bones waiting in the freezer.  It takes half the time and I think I'd like it better.

I want to figure out how to incorporate organ meats into our diet, without opposition.  I haven't eaten organ meats before, that I can remember, and the thought doesn't sit well with me.  But they may be tasty.  I have a frozen liver waiting to become pate, but I haven't been brave enough to try it yet.

I am trying to buy some produce organic if it is on the dirty dozen list, and buy grass-fed beef.  Pastured pork and chicken isn't as economical.  Though I am wanting to buy whole chickens more than bags of chicken breasts. 

I probably missed something, and it doesn't end here.  There is always something I find I want to try. 

Cherry Pie

Yesterday, my girl stood and pitted 6 cups of cherries.  A bit ago, Gary mentioned that he wouldn't mind having cherry pie. 

Normally, I make my cherry pies using pie filling from a can, to avoid the tediousness of pitting cherries.  But with moving towards eating real food, I decided I should use the actual fruit, not from a can.  Especially with cherries being in season right now.  So while at the store on Monday, we bought some cherries. 

But still the work of pitting cherries was hindering my moving forward with pie making.

When I reminded Ellie that we still had a pie to make, she got out a cutting board and knife and started pitting.  And stuck with it until we had enough. 

It was a juicy job, and Ellie got a little creative. (It's on her face.  You can kind of see it.)

I don't know how many times I wiped up cherry juice from all around her.

But she did not complain.  She did not stop.  She keep at it. 

And when Ellie bakes, she celebrates!  This is Gary's early birthday pie.

We had candles and sang "Happy Birthday."

Help is on the way

Ellie has qualified for Medical Assistance.  I don't like having to apply for it.  We don't need help, since we already have insurance for her.  But she would really benefit from Wrap Around services.  And one can only acquire Wrap Around services through Medical Assistance.

We had our intake interview for Ellie at Indian Creek Foundation yesterday. The lady asked us questions for nearly two hours.  Questions we've answered for numerous people, many times.

She did ask a new one.  What are our goals for Ellie to work on?

She also asked a question, which both Gary and I found hard to answer, and ashamed and guilty we found it hard to answer.  So much so, that I won't even write it here.  It brings me to tears to know it's hard to answer.

I continue to struggle with this diagnosis.  I hear a little voice in my head (very loudly) saying, "You don't need help for Ellie, because she doesn't have a problem.  You just aren't doing the right things.  Lots of other kids have the same problems and don't need help.  If you would just . . ."

It might help if we heard from people around us that this diagnosis is fitting, instead of just not really saying anything and nodding their heads, like what people do when they want to be polite, but they don't really agree with you.  We even had someone tell us that they know someone with ADHD, and he doesn't act like Ellie.  Not sure about his point and not very helpful.  At all.  Not every kid who has ADHD acts the same.

I think part of my issue is how can a stranger sit with my family for an hour or two, ask us questions, look at one questionnaire each, Gary and I and her teacher filled out, and decide such diagnoses for my child?  It seems that it would take several visits, in different settings, and several questionnaires from many people in Ellie's life to decide such things.  And some tests.  I don't know . . . I'm obviously not a psychologist.

Another issue is that...no.  There are no more issues.  It's that stupid voice in my head.  Doubt. Doubt.  Doubt.  I want the voice to shut up, be drowned out by all the other voices (family, friends, professionals) loudly telling me that this is good.  Getting help is needed, not because we are failures, but because she needs more than we have.  She needs help from outside of us, our family.  We need help as a family. 

I can write Ellie has ADHD and ODD.  I still say she's been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.  To me, there's a difference: "has" and "been diagnosed with."

Regardless, help is on the way.

14 Years

Fourteen years ago Gary and I were married.

This year we celebrated at Ricketts Glen State Park.



 The park office.

 The beginning of Falls Trail. 

Gary hurt his ankle at the beginning of our hike.

Lake Leigh

The dam for Lake Leigh.

As you can see, the dam is breaking apart (you should not be able to look through a dam) and no longer functioning to really hold back water.  According to civil engineer Gary Kulp, this is call a dam breech.  I would call it the dam breaking apart and not working.  The lake is now a small pond.  The photo to the left shows the intended outlet for the lake, in the shadow at the bottom between the two supports.  It is no longer needed due to the "dam breech."










Here is a map for Falls Trail.  We started at the upper right where it says "Beach Area Parking" and hiked to the dam, then down to Ozone Falls, and then back to the parking area.  

Gary likes the periwinkle 

growing atop Shawnee Falls.

F.L. Ricketts Falls.

We decided to work our arm muscles next and went canoeing.





We saw a beaver lodge.  

Lake Jean.

For our last stop at the park, we ate our lunch on a moss covered table.

And saw parts of Kitchen Creek ...

and the top of Adams Falls.

Here is our "cabin."  When we arrived on Saturday night, the office was closed.  We had no cell service to call, and we weren't sure what to do.  We went back to the highway where we had service and was able to leave a message.  We drove to another campground, which was full, then tried another.  They had an RV that we could rent, which we were not all that excited about.  Thankfully we had service long enough to receive a call from our campground and were able to go back and check in. 

Gary was NOT impressed, but I thought it wasn't that bad. 

It did have a water issue.  It smelled like sulfur or something else very unpleasant.

We will not be going back to any of the campgrounds we saw.

We will make plans in time to reserve something at the state park.

To sum up, we had a very memorable anniversary weekend!

A lament

This post was started in November.  I am finally finishing it.
 ~~~
During my Bible study, we have been looking as some laments.  Psalm 6 was the latest one.   

¹ O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your wrath.
² Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away;
Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed.
³ And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O Lord—how long?

⁴ Return, O Lord, rescue my soul;
Save me because of Your lovingkindness.
⁵ For there is no mention of You in death;
In Sheol who will give You thanks?

⁶ I am weary with my sighing;
Every night I make my bed swim,
I dissolve my couch with my tears.
⁷ My eye has wasted away with grief;
It has become old because of all my adversaries.

⁸ Depart from me, all you who do iniquity,
For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
⁹ The Lord has heard my supplication,
The Lord receives my prayer.
¹⁰ All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed;
They shall turn back, they will suddenly be ashamed.

In the last portion of our study, we had a chance to write our own lament.  Here is mine.

LORD, where are you?
  I do not hear you.
You are everywhere,
  Yet my soul knows silence.
Countless are my advarsaries,
  Their numbers are untold.
Great and mighty is the Lord, my God.
  He has caused the earth's bounty.

I feel abandoned,
  Left alone to myself.
All I accomplish is laid to waste,
  My work is a pile of rubbish.
I am made to wait.
  How long, Lord, how long?
I am weary and tired.
  I know no rest.
On and on I trod,
  And find myself in circles.
Is this all you have for me?
  Is there no more?

I know you have a plan,
  There is still good here.
Hear my cry, Lord God,
  Give me the desires of my heart.
For you always I long for,
  You are my hiding place.
You bring me to you,
  You are my rest.

Wealth of Information

Just yesterday I came across this site, Wellness Mama.

Like I said, wealth of information for healthy living.  Health is something I'm into.

Check it out.