Help is on the way

Ellie has qualified for Medical Assistance.  I don't like having to apply for it.  We don't need help, since we already have insurance for her.  But she would really benefit from Wrap Around services.  And one can only acquire Wrap Around services through Medical Assistance.

We had our intake interview for Ellie at Indian Creek Foundation yesterday. The lady asked us questions for nearly two hours.  Questions we've answered for numerous people, many times.

She did ask a new one.  What are our goals for Ellie to work on?

She also asked a question, which both Gary and I found hard to answer, and ashamed and guilty we found it hard to answer.  So much so, that I won't even write it here.  It brings me to tears to know it's hard to answer.

I continue to struggle with this diagnosis.  I hear a little voice in my head (very loudly) saying, "You don't need help for Ellie, because she doesn't have a problem.  You just aren't doing the right things.  Lots of other kids have the same problems and don't need help.  If you would just . . ."

It might help if we heard from people around us that this diagnosis is fitting, instead of just not really saying anything and nodding their heads, like what people do when they want to be polite, but they don't really agree with you.  We even had someone tell us that they know someone with ADHD, and he doesn't act like Ellie.  Not sure about his point and not very helpful.  At all.  Not every kid who has ADHD acts the same.

I think part of my issue is how can a stranger sit with my family for an hour or two, ask us questions, look at one questionnaire each, Gary and I and her teacher filled out, and decide such diagnoses for my child?  It seems that it would take several visits, in different settings, and several questionnaires from many people in Ellie's life to decide such things.  And some tests.  I don't know . . . I'm obviously not a psychologist.

Another issue is that...no.  There are no more issues.  It's that stupid voice in my head.  Doubt. Doubt.  Doubt.  I want the voice to shut up, be drowned out by all the other voices (family, friends, professionals) loudly telling me that this is good.  Getting help is needed, not because we are failures, but because she needs more than we have.  She needs help from outside of us, our family.  We need help as a family. 

I can write Ellie has ADHD and ODD.  I still say she's been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.  To me, there's a difference: "has" and "been diagnosed with."

Regardless, help is on the way.