When you set out to start raising little people into adults, they talk about the cute little bundle you will bring home from the hospital. They talk about what kind of diapers to use, cloth or disposable; whether to breastfeed or not; should you wear your baby or use a stroller. They talk about their first teeth, when they might roll over, when they take their first wobbly steps.
What they don't tell you is that they will tell you how they hate you over and over. That they say they wish they were never a part of this family. They don't tell you you will lie in bed crying because of the choices they've made, how their words will be like a knife to your heart.
They don't tell you they will say the most hurtful of things, that they don't care how their actions affect you. They don't tell you they might only do things if it's in their best interest. That they will turn their backs on your affection and spurn your offer of help.
What they don't tell you is that through it all you will still love them with the fiercest love. That you will still put their needs above your own. What they don't tell you is that you will continue to sacrifice for them through the stormiest of attitudes and thickest of negative behaviors. That you will continue to cry for them when they hurt and heal them as best you can.
What they don't tell you is that you will continue to teach them right from wrong, that they could never do anything to loose your love.
Monday, November 19, 2018
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Sleeping
For a while now, probably over a year, I have been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30. Not everyday, but more days than I'd like. Enough days that I wonder if I even need an alarm to make sure I awaken before my get up time of 7:00. Is anybody else with me, that waking before your desired waking time is unacceptable, even if it's three minutes?
It's been driving me crazy! I dislike it greatly. It stinks.
I think the main culprit is the light coming in our window. We have blinds on our windows and slant them down at night, which, of course, directs the light right at my face. When I remember, I slant them up when we go to bed. Take a guess at how often I remember to do that? I don't slant them up right away, because I have this fear that people down on the street driving by at the posted 25 mph or the droves walking by or those living in the building across the street can see in. I have actually gone outside at night to see if you can see in with them slanted up. You can't, but how often does rational override fear? You'd think with my ire of having light in my face while sleeping, I'd remember more. But sadly, it just isn't so.
We could get black out curtains. We aren't really interested in curtains, though. We like the simplistic look of plain white two inch blinds at the windows.
What else? Just move our bed, you're thinking. We've been thinking that, too. Except it isn't like moving doll house furniture, you know. Besides the bed, we have to move a desk, a barrel back chair, two night stands (one of which might not fit in the room with a new furniture configuration,) a dresser, a small bookshelf, plus vacuuming behind said furniture once it's moved. A real undertaking. I am interested in moving our room around just to have a change too. We just haven't figured out how to rearrange everything and then set aside the time to do it.
So, currently my solution is go to bed, hoping I sleep past 7:00 (since it's still summer that is possible. Come work days, that plan is out the window.) A winner of a plan, so far. When I wake up too early, (and let's face it, it's a "when" not an "if") I put on my eye blinders, fluff my pillow and snuggle back down to get some more sleep. At this point, I also have to not move to too much to fool my bladder that I'm not actually awake, lest it decides it needs emptying, before trying for more sleep.
Oh yes, I also have to not think too much. If my brain gets started motoring, my sleep is blown and all I can hope for is to lie in bed wishing for more sleep, not getting it, while thinking about everything under the sun and wondering how long I can stay put before my bladder drives me scurrying down the hall for relief.
It's been driving me crazy! I dislike it greatly. It stinks.
I think the main culprit is the light coming in our window. We have blinds on our windows and slant them down at night, which, of course, directs the light right at my face. When I remember, I slant them up when we go to bed. Take a guess at how often I remember to do that? I don't slant them up right away, because I have this fear that people down on the street driving by at the posted 25 mph or the droves walking by or those living in the building across the street can see in. I have actually gone outside at night to see if you can see in with them slanted up. You can't, but how often does rational override fear? You'd think with my ire of having light in my face while sleeping, I'd remember more. But sadly, it just isn't so.
We could get black out curtains. We aren't really interested in curtains, though. We like the simplistic look of plain white two inch blinds at the windows.
What else? Just move our bed, you're thinking. We've been thinking that, too. Except it isn't like moving doll house furniture, you know. Besides the bed, we have to move a desk, a barrel back chair, two night stands (one of which might not fit in the room with a new furniture configuration,) a dresser, a small bookshelf, plus vacuuming behind said furniture once it's moved. A real undertaking. I am interested in moving our room around just to have a change too. We just haven't figured out how to rearrange everything and then set aside the time to do it.
So, currently my solution is go to bed, hoping I sleep past 7:00 (since it's still summer that is possible. Come work days, that plan is out the window.) A winner of a plan, so far. When I wake up too early, (and let's face it, it's a "when" not an "if") I put on my eye blinders, fluff my pillow and snuggle back down to get some more sleep. At this point, I also have to not move to too much to fool my bladder that I'm not actually awake, lest it decides it needs emptying, before trying for more sleep.
Oh yes, I also have to not think too much. If my brain gets started motoring, my sleep is blown and all I can hope for is to lie in bed wishing for more sleep, not getting it, while thinking about everything under the sun and wondering how long I can stay put before my bladder drives me scurrying down the hall for relief.
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