Scare of my life

Friday, Josh got it in his head to not come inside. I had found a dime and had given it to him. While riding home, it fell down in his car seat and I wouldn't dig it out for him. He took exception to that and wouldn't budge from his seat on the grass. I went inside to let Hunter out. While bring Hunter back inm I picked Josh up and brought him along back to the house. I put him down before going inside with the dog.

Josh started walking. Back toward the garage. I had hooked Hunter up to finish his business, but quickc put him back inside when I saw Josh had kept walking past the garage. When I got to the alley, Josh was no where to be seen. I looked up and down the alley. No Josh. I came back in the yard, thinking I missed seeing him. No Josh. I looked around on the back side of the garden. No Josh. I looked around the garage to our neighbor's yard. No Josh. I walked down the alley toward the street. A neighbor asked if I as looking for a little boy. Yes, I told him. The kind man pointed down the street and said he went that way. I squinted my eyes and could barely see a form. I had doubt that my son had walked so far. I started running. Ellie coming along behind me.

I crossed two streets and two alleys before I got to Josh. He had indeed walked so far, two blocks. A neighbor on foot and a lady in her car had been watching out for him. When I got to him, I had trouble breathing for a moment. I was so scared. He behaved as though he always went for walks by himself - "What's the trouble, Mom?" In my hurry to get to Josh, I nearly forgot to ensure Ellie crossed the streets safely, since I run faster than she does.

Relieved to have Josh in my arms, I headed straight back home. I forgot to thank the lady who pulled her car over to ensure his safety, though I did have the presence of mind to stop my walk back home and thank the man who was on foot.

Thank you Lord for keeping my wayward son safe.

What's going on

Our summer has been uneventful. So I thought I'd write about it.

We are doing fairly well with one car. Gary mostly takes the bus. A co-worker has also been picking him up since he drives right by to drop off his daughter at the boys and girls club.

Ellie did splendidly at swim lessons, and we enjoyed the pool afterward on several occasions. I'd pack us lunch, and we'd go to the playground to play and eat, than go back to the pool for some water fun.

Lansdale now has a farmer's market on Saturdays, which I am excited about. I can get fresh produce in town.

Our garden is not doing too badly. The tomatoes are going great, everything else seems to be in slow motion. I planted more beans and cucumbers today. I had a bad experience with grass clippings in the garden. I thought I would spread some down as mulch. It was an unhappy attempt at keeping the weeds from taking charge. The grass was the stinkiest stuff around. We could smell it inside, and Ellie and Josh requested the window be closed because of it. After reading online that grass clippings were worse for a garden than better, I went back out and raked then back up and got rid of them. Unfortunately some odor still remains.

I discovered gDiapers, an earth friendly alternative to cloth and disposable diapers. The gPants are cloth and have a liner that holds an absorbent refill that you can either flush, toss, or compost (wet ones.) Gary chooses to toss, I flush when possible. They also have cloth inserts for those who want to go cloth all the way. Josh fought at first to have that thing on his cute behind, but he's warming to them. His words were "I don't want that, I want that" (pointing to the Luvs on his changing table.) gDiaper has a promo deal, so if you want to try them let me know - I'll give you the discount code.

I am making my way weeding up the fence along the side of our property. The weeds were very bad, but I've tackled almost all of it, and it's looking good. I have managed to do it in pieces and not focus on the entire job. If I had looked at the whole bed, I would've thrown in the towel.

Speaking of beds, I broke Josh's bed last night. I hopped up on it, and the bed came down with me. The wood piece that holds the box springs had already been broken and fixed, and my added weight that time did it in. Right now the box spring and mattress are on the floor, and Josh and Ellie think that's great fun.

We had a great time camping back in June at Camp Swatara. We met a missionary couple. The woman and older daughters in the family wore head coverings. It got us to thinking, and we looked up the verses in 1 Cor. 11 about head coverings. I wore a heard covering that next week. We looked it up online and talked to several people about it. We are still undecided about it. I did order two styles of coverings online to try. Along with head coverings is the idea of modest attire. I have ceased wearing jewelry, except my wedding engagement rings. I wear my watch when I won't be near clocks. I have assessed my wardrobe and pulled out things that aren't as modest as I'd like. I don't need anyone looking at me who shouldn't be or causing anyone to stumble. I don't want to be flashy. I dress to coverup not show off.

I had a nice break from children today at nap time, since Gary took Ellie (who doesn't actually nap but petions not to nap) to pick up his mom from the airport and Josh actually takes naps. But he is awake and calling for me, and Gary and Ellie are now home.

Making Pearls

Today, I am again of sound mind.

Gary pointed out his devotion from today to me. It's appropriately from James 1:2-4. "Considerate it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials (irritations) of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Chuck Swindoll comments:
"One of these days it should dawn on us that we'll never be completely free from irritations as long as we are on this planet. [It would do me well to remember this often.] Upon coming to this conclusion, we would then be wise to consider an alternative to losing our cool. The secret is adjusting." [And I need to remember this, because apparently I'm not doing so well at it right now.]

"When it comes to irritations, I've found that it helps if I remember that I am not in charge of my day . . . God is. And while I'm sure He wants me to use my time wisely, He is more concerend with the development of my character and the cultivation of the qualities that make me Christlike within."

Then Chuck Swindoll uses the example of the oyster and its pearl. You all know that when an oyster gets an irritation, it makes a pearl out of it.

So, although neither these verses nor the fact that oysters make pearls out of irritations is new to me, I see them together now and will be applying them to my life.

And watch out, I'm going to have a new verse to hold to and boat load of pearls!

My challenge is my life

I have been extra weary for the last month. My house's cleanliness is directly proportionate to the disobedience of my children. I don't do much around the house during nap time. Pretty much I just sit on the couch. I find it difficult to do much while the kids are awake also. I feel so tired and worn out from the day that I just want to sit.

Am I taking care of myself to take care of my family, being just plan lazy, or something else I can't even name?

I finally got around to reading some of my friends' blogs and am now feeling ashamed at myself.

I feel as though I don't truly appreciate the gift my children are. I am so concerned with them not making messes, not being along, not following the rules, not obeying that I have lost sight of them as little people made in the image of God, deserving my love not my criticism, at all times. I have forgotten or been too frustrated to remember that Elisabeth and Joshua are my special gifts, given only to me and Gary (and when mentioned heretofore as given to me, I mean both of us. Relaying just my feelings, so writing me.) I have not treated them as such. I have wanted to toss questions at God about how could he possibly know what he was doing in giving them to me. I am definitely the wrong person for the job. But I know that God didn't make a mistake and they were meant for me. What am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong.

I am tired of being hit, tired of being told "No," tired of hearing "I don't want to." These things generally happen on a daily basis, usually more than once. (Though today, I don't think I was hit.) I am tired.

I don't know how to handle it. I usually do an awful job at it, saying things I want to snatch back. I struggle each day with my response to Ellie's onslaughts. I compare myself to every mother I can think of and know she would do a better job.

In the everyday, I am not always thankful for this challenge of motherhood. I never thought it would be this hard. I want to be thankful, I want to know I can do this. I want to take all the insults and smacks I get from my daughter and just patiently remind her of how she should be behaving. But it doesn't work. I lose my temper, I get angry, I get frustrated.

Part of me wonders if that is why I am not currently pregnant with our third child. I can't handle the ones I have, why would God give me another one? The other part of me knows God is sovereign and knows what he is doing and will give me the strength I need for each day.

God will give me that strength, but do I reach out and accept it? I fear I don't know how.

And now I get to add to my list of woe-is-me, whining about how hard mothering is for me right now. I wish to be able to just accept, but for some reason I haven't been able to. Do I do something for someone not in my family and in so doing realize I really don't have problems? Do I immerse myself in scripture to drink from the truth found there?

What!