I have this ability to make worse case scenarios with situations in which I find myself. Take Gary not being home at his usual time. I picture he's had an accident and is being rushed to the hospital and I am going to receive a call or visit from police telling me to get to the hospital, or a call that he's been killed in an accident and now I am a widow. And now what am am I going to do?
It happened the day Josh was hit by a car. While I was gathering the stuff we needed for our outing and hearing the kids play outside, I imagined Ellie running in to tell me Josh was hit by a car. And I had to call Gary to tell him I was taking Josh to the ER.
That time my scenario came true.
Right now my brain is at it again. I am home with Ellie because she is has a fever. It started Thursday night. She was really hot, but I thought it was just from the heat. But then Friday she was saying she didn't feel well, had a headache, and around dinner we took her temperature. It was 102.8. When we checked her before we went to bed, she felt much cooler and she was sweaty. Saturday, still a headache and fever, though down two degrees. And today, still she has a fever and doesn't feel well.
So where does my imagination run? To cancer. I imagine I will be taking her to the doctor's, they'll take blood, run tests and tell me she has stage 4 leukemia and not much time left. She'll die and I'll feel like I failed her as a mother. That I didn't get the chance to really be the mom she needed and I want to be.
I think I let my mind go there sometimes to prepare myself if ever they come true. I wasn't a wreck when Ellie actually came running telling me that Josh was hit by a car.
3 comments:
“God has not promised to give us the grace to face all of the desperate situations that we might imagine finding ourselves in. He has promised to sustain us only in the ones that he actually brings us into. He therefore doesn’t promise that we will be able to imagine how we could go through the fire for his sake, but he does promise that if he leads us through the fire, he will give us sufficient grace at that time. Like manna, grace is not something that can be stored up for later use: each day receives its own supply.” - Ian Duguid
I was able to share about this at our women's Bible Study: http://www.bridgephilly.org/resources/audio/?sermon_id=494
And, a great encouragement for when we fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIGxpOEpUAE
Thankfully, I am not really fearful in all my wondering. It's more of a "what if" kind of thing.
I would also add that your imagination has many wonderful aspects, with its combination of creativity, inventiveness, and service!
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