My Peace

I woke this morning at 6:00 am, planning to spend time with God.  I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do . . . but God did.

I started by praying and then singing "You are My Hiding Place" and "You are My Strength When I am Weak."  Then I fell back asleep.

I had a dream.  I was at my grandparents' church in the Poconos.  Of course it looked nothing like it, but I was standing in a hallway and I could hear the hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" playing.  The specific line was "Oh, what peace we often forfeit."  And I fell against the wall in tears, sobbing.  I have been denying myself the peace of Christ.

I haven't been trusting Him to work out the struggles I have.  Trusting Him to take care of the children he's given me.  I've screamed "Why!"  I have been struggling with myself and my children, without asking for God's help.  I have most assuredly not been at peace.

I got out of bed and set to look up the hymn and some scripture passages about peace.

Philippians 4:4-9 NASB
⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. ⁹ The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

John 14:27 NASB
²⁷ Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

John 16:33 NASB
²³ In that day you will not question Me about anything. Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you. ²⁴ Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.
²⁵ “These things I have spoken to you in figurative language; an hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figurative language, but will tell you plainly of the Father. ²⁶ In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will request of the Father on your behalf; ²⁷ for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came forth from the Father. ²⁸ I came forth from the Father and have come into the world; I am leaving the world again and going to the Father.”
²⁹ His disciples *said, “Lo, now You are speaking plainly and are not using a figure of speech. ³⁰ Now we know that You know all things, and have no need for anyone to question You; by this we believe that You came from God.” ³¹ Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? ³² Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. ³³ These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

That last part really hit me.  "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  Christ has overcome sin, pain, hurt, shame.  He has overcome my frustration and anger. 


I found these verses to go with "You are my hiding place."

Psalm 32:7
You are a hiding place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with shouts of deliverance.          Selah

Psalm 119:114
You are my hiding place and my shield;
    I hope in your word.

I found these verses to go with "You are My Strength When I am Weak."

Ephesians 6:10-20
¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, ¹⁹ and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.


Psalm 28

¹To you, O Lord, I call;
    my rock, be not deaf to me,
lest, if you be silent to me,
    I become like those who go down to the pit.

 ² Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy,
    when I cry to you for help,
when I lift up my hands
    toward your most holy sanctuary.^[a]

³ Do not drag me off with the wicked,
    with the workers of evil,
who speak peace with their neighbors
    while evil is in their hearts.
⁴ Give to them according to their work
    and according to the evil of their deeds;
give to them according to the work of their hands;
    render them their due reward.
⁵ Because they do not regard the works of the Lord
    or the work of his hands,
he will tear them down and build them up no more.

⁶ Blessed be the Lord!
    For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
    and with my song I give thanks to him.

⁸ The Lord is the strength of his people;^[b]
    he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
⁹ Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
    Be their shepherd and carry them forever.

Col. 2:1-5
¹For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face,  ² that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, ³ in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. ⁴ I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. ⁵ For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.

Then I came upon Psalm 30, which in my Bible (ESV) had the heading "Joy comes with the Morning."
¹I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
    and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
² O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
    and you have healed me.
³ O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
    you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

⁴ Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
    and give thanks to his holy name.
⁵ For his anger is but for a moment,
    and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
    but joy comes with the morning.

⁶ As for me, I said in my prosperity,
    “I shall never be moved.”
⁷ By your favor, O Lord,
    you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
    I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, O Lord, I cry,
    and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
⁹ “What profit is there in my death,
    if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
    Will it tell of your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me!
    O Lord, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness,
¹² that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

The "joy comes with the morning" part says to me, I will experience joy.  Even if it seems unattainable, it will come. 
The Lord is faithful to do all He has promised.  To be my peace.  To be my strength.  To be my all.

I would also like to surround myself with the words of God in music.  I am on a hunt for scripture set to music.

My Provider

The Offering of Isaac
22 Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ² He said, “Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.” ³ So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him and Isaac his son; and he split wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. ⁴ On the third day Abraham raised his eyes and saw the place from a distance. ⁵ Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you.” ⁶ Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together. ⁷ Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” And he said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?” ⁸ Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together.

⁹ Then they came to the place of which God had told him; and Abraham built the altar there and arranged the wood, and bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ¹² He said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” ¹³ Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. ¹⁴ Abraham called the name of that place The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.”

I hold onto my children too hard.  I do not always allow God to be my provider.  I do not always trust Him to help me.  Everyday is a challenge to fight the sinner within, to remember that I am also a saint and a child of God.  To remember that I have available to me the power of the Holy Spirit, the forgiveness of my Savior, and the grace and mercy of my God.

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me, for me, for me

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels
Charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

The Perfect Plan . . . is NOT my plan.

We can plan.  We can sign up Ellie for Medical Assistance to get services.  We can go to counseling.  We can come up with numerous different systems for managing Josh and Ellie's behavior, and our behavior.  We can punish, talk to, and reason with our children.

But if we leave God out, we will fail.  If we don't read His Word, pray, and spend time listening for His voice, we will not have the success we could have.  We will not be living in the abundance of all he has for us. 


God has the Perfect Plan.  He is faithful.  He is trustworthy.  He loves me.  He wants to be what I need. 

I don't know what His plan is.  But I believe I don't have to know it, nor do I need to, because He knows what it is.  I have the faith He's given me.  I have His word showing me I can trust Him.

His Word is my daily bread, but I haven't been reading it.  I have been going this road on my own strength, which is woefully pathetic.

But that is going to change.

What I haven't been doing

I have been neglecting my house.  Animal hair can be found swirling around constantly.  Even if I just vacuumed.  It's more than a bit frustrating. 

The one household task I do get done is washing and drying our clothes.  Notice I didn't say folding or putting them away.  It is not uncommon to find a basket (or four) of unfolded clothes sitting around.  My Auntie Joanne helped me yesterday.  I got a load hung out to dry, and she took it down and folded it.  Thank You!

The windows need to be cleaned.  The walls need to be wiped of fingerprints and dog slobber.  

There is quite a layer of dust collecting as well.

I am also not writing on here as much as I'd like. 

By the end of the day, I am usually worn out mentally, and I end up plopping on the couch and watching a TV show.  Sometimes while folding laundry. 

What I've Been Making

Wanting to have a healthier, less expensive lifestyle, I have been trying some new things.

I started making kombucha again.  The continuous brew kind.  Way easier than one batch at a time.  Especially since Josh and Ellie will drink it now.  They like a fruity flavor.  Me too.

I bought yogurt and hung it in cheese cloth.  Why?  To separate out the whey, making a cream cheese of sorts.  And to have whey.

The one jar has elderberry syrup.  The other has milk kefir.

My snack bars, made with dates, raisins, almonds, chocolate and chia seeds, are in the container.

Here is the whey and cheese.  In the background, 

in the bowls are plantain and thyme Josh picked from our yard.  I picked more plantain and made a healing salve.

My beet kvass is in the pitcher, made by putting beets in water with whey, to ferment for a couple days.

The white stuff is my homemade marshmallows.

In the small jar is kombucha, sitting for some extra fizziness.

My beef jerky, made with my mesquite seasoning mix. 

A new recipe I tried.  Homemade coconut flour breaded cod, roasted sweet potatoes, salad with homemade ranch dressing.

I have decided to make my own salad dressings again.  And condiments- ketchup and BBQ sauce.  Next might be mayo and mustard.

We've been trying out some home remedies for Josh's warts.  Dandelion, chickweed, banana skin, tea tree oil, lemon oil, propolis, and clay.  We are currently on the oils, since they are the easiest to apply, coat the warts, and leave his hands free to use without using a bunch of Band-aids or waiting for it to dry.

It isn't a secret that my legs look awful, what with all the spider and varicose veins I have.  I decided to try a vein cream and liniment, before going the chemical dissolving route. 

P.S. I hate compression stocking. 

This is my homemade toothpaste.

It is still a work in progress.

I have another recipe to try.

Josh's grain-free train cake, and plant based colored icing.  The icing I made with cane sugar that I powdered.

And natural candy decor.

We have vanilla beans and vodka waiting to become vanilla extract.

I have also made my own shampoo and lotion, both works in progress.  The shampoo dried out my hair too much and the lotion was too hard.  I haven't looked into how to adjust the shampoo yet, but to make the lotion more soft, I need to remelt it and add more coconut oil.  I did one remelt, but it still isn't as creamy as I'd like it.

With the elderberry syrup, I made elderberry gummies (which are more jellied then I would like,) and vitamin gummies, where I added to much vitamins and didn't turn out right. 

I am making yogurt again, though I still have to get it less runny.  I can then use it to make my soft cheese and whey.  And all I have to buy is a gallon of milk.  So if I am doing the math right, I spend $3.50 (or whatever the price of whole milk is) and get 3 quarts of yogurt, about a pint of whey, and maybe a pint soft cheese.  Pretty good use of $3.50, huh?

I have made my own chocolate, another recipe I need to tweak next time I make it.  A little less honey and add a little milk, I think.

I am trying to decrease the amount of grains and legumes we eat.  And if we eat grains and legumes, I want them to be soaked or sprouted.  

I am trying to use more coconut products, non-grain flours, and healthy fats.  Follow more of the paleo diet, but not strictly.

I am slowly resuppling our vitamins and supplements - probiotics (though the kombucha and water kefir help with that,) vitamin D and C, fish oil (I want to actually take fermented cod liver oil, but I not sure I am ready for that yet, since it's a gel.)  And then we need to remember to take them.

I made beef bone broth, but I plan to make chicken bone broth next.  I have some bones waiting in the freezer.  It takes half the time and I think I'd like it better.

I want to figure out how to incorporate organ meats into our diet, without opposition.  I haven't eaten organ meats before, that I can remember, and the thought doesn't sit well with me.  But they may be tasty.  I have a frozen liver waiting to become pate, but I haven't been brave enough to try it yet.

I am trying to buy some produce organic if it is on the dirty dozen list, and buy grass-fed beef.  Pastured pork and chicken isn't as economical.  Though I am wanting to buy whole chickens more than bags of chicken breasts. 

I probably missed something, and it doesn't end here.  There is always something I find I want to try. 

Cherry Pie

Yesterday, my girl stood and pitted 6 cups of cherries.  A bit ago, Gary mentioned that he wouldn't mind having cherry pie. 

Normally, I make my cherry pies using pie filling from a can, to avoid the tediousness of pitting cherries.  But with moving towards eating real food, I decided I should use the actual fruit, not from a can.  Especially with cherries being in season right now.  So while at the store on Monday, we bought some cherries. 

But still the work of pitting cherries was hindering my moving forward with pie making.

When I reminded Ellie that we still had a pie to make, she got out a cutting board and knife and started pitting.  And stuck with it until we had enough. 

It was a juicy job, and Ellie got a little creative. (It's on her face.  You can kind of see it.)

I don't know how many times I wiped up cherry juice from all around her.

But she did not complain.  She did not stop.  She keep at it. 

And when Ellie bakes, she celebrates!  This is Gary's early birthday pie.

We had candles and sang "Happy Birthday."