G and I tried to have a third baby.

We decided to try the IVF natural cycle, meaning no shots. Everything was going well. The no shots thing was great. The progesterone suppositories wasn't.

The transfer happened on a Saturday. The following Saturday I was bleeding. After my blood test on Monday, I was pregnant. Woo hoo! But why the bleeding? After my blood test on Wednesday my hormone levels were going down. They aren't suppose to do that when you are pregnant. By the next Monday they were back to zero. I wasn't pregnant anymore.

I was so upset on Saturday with the blood, convinced I wasn't pregnant. G said to wait and see. The positive pregnancy test just made me more confused. I was happy to be pregnant, but worried about bleeding. As the hormone numbers went down, I didn't want to believe that the embryo stopped growing, and I wasn't pregnant anymore. I told myself that maybe both embryos implanted, and one didn't make it, so the numbers went down some. But they just kept going down.

I don't think of myself as having a miscarriage. I wasn't pregnant long enough. But I still don't have my baby.

I wonder if it was a boy or girl. What she would have looked like. What his personality would have been. My little one that was with me for just a moment.